Hilariously bad. Table booked for 8 people at 8:30PM (already later than we'd really wanted, but they couldn't fit us in earlier) and £40 deposit paid. The issues we had wouldn't have been much of a problem if just one of them had happened, it was the combination of everything that made the whole experience so ridiculous. It was like Fawlty Towers in the form of a restaurant.
The table wasn't ready when we arrived so we went to the pub across the road. Finally got table at 9:15PM. It was only set for 7 and I can't imagine where they'd have put the 8th person if they'd been there, but fortunately they'd ended up not coming. The table was still set with the grubby tablecloth with food spillages from the last group who'd sat there, which wasn't very nice.
We were left for ages before someone took our orders, and there were no vegetarian main courses on the menu despite us having checked this when we booked and being told there was at least one veggie option. The waitress said they could do some pasta as a veggie main course.
Lots of the things we ordered turned out not to be available - the waitress kept disappearing to the kitchen to check, then not coming back to us for ages, as she'd go to other tables. Drinks took ages to arrive and some had to be asked for several times before we got them. The wine that was ordered wasn't what was brought, and apparently they didn't have either still or sparkling mineral water.
At about 9:45PM, some plates of lobster were randomly brought to us, and we were told they were complimentary. Apparently they were good, but as I'm vegetarian I can't comment myself.
Once that had been eaten and the plates removed, we waited for the starter. And waited. And waited. At about 10:45PM, we told the waitress to cancel our main courses as it was so late - we still hadn't got our starters, and none of us felt like eating great big steaks at this time of night. She initially said that the chef had started cooking them so we couldn't cancel them, but we pointed out that it was now more than 2 hours after the time we'd booked for and that we still hadn't even got our starters, so it wasn't unreasonable for us not to want to pay £17 apiece for a meal we probably wouldn't be getting until 11:30pm.
Shortly after this, my starter arrived (melon in port). 5 minutes later a few other starters were brought, and after a bit more time another one arrived. We were still waiting for some garlic bread, which eventually arrived about 20 minutes after the first starter had come.
The melon in port was what it said, difficult to go far wrong with that. The moules mariniere was nothing like any moules mariniere anyone had ever seen - apparently it was OK but the taste of the mussels was drowned out by the tinned tomatoes, melted cheese and salmon on it. The garlic bread was just some slices of French bread with cheese melted onto it. The "avocado and prawns" was the worst of the lot - it was a pile of guacamole that had blatantly been bought ready-made in a tub and upended onto a plate (and it wasn't particularly nice) with a few prawns scattered on top.
We ate our starters, paid (having had to get the bill corrected, as they'd charged us for too many drinks) and went home for a takeaway, and will be avoiding this restaurant at all costs in future. I'm amazed they get any business at all.
We have 13 reviews of Chez Lahlou.